I remember it clearly, I was walking down the sidewalk of a busy downtown street. It was night time and I had just left a restaurant with some friends. We were walking back to our car when we passed by a shop window and there was this brightly coloured tutu on the mannequin that made me stop. "Oooh, I love that tutu!" I said to my friend, "I would so wear that if I were smaller. Maybe I should get it as a goal outfit".
Ugggg, insert eye roll here.
That small moment in time was just one of MANY that had added up to a life that was only half lived. I put so many things on pause and out of reach because I didn't think I deserved them yet. I hadn't earned them because I wasn't a certain size, didn't have the money, didn't have the time- translation- I didn't feel I was worthy.
Obstacles are always there. Some are genuinely out of your control- especially if you are waiting for someone ELSE to change. Most, though are in our control and have been set up by US in order to keep the status quo and ensure we aren't uncomfortable. There is a deeper level of programming and beliefs that come into play when we look at why we do the things we do or why we DON'T do the things we WANT to do. Understanding what holds us back and how to let go of that is so empowering and freeing. It's also a scary first step. Where do I start? What if I don't like what I find? Trust me, the outcome is worth every uncomfortable icky feeling that comes up. I know.
I wish I could go back in time to that version of myself that never felt like it was her time to do the things that made her heart sing and show the world how special she was. I am so deeply happy that I finally found out how to believe and trust that I deserve what my heart was asking for. I feel so blessed that I have been able to make up for lost time and not lose anymore. I hope you aren't letting anything hold you back but if you are start with just one thing that you -for what ever reason- think you don't have time for/money for/aren't the right size for etc. and take a leap of faith. Wear the damn TUTU!